Saturday, October 31, 2009


hey there, doods and doodettes! happy hollow weenie! it's cold and raining--outside the dome. in here, it's nice enough, though seeing all that rain dripping off the sky around us is mondo weirdo. the force field is getting a little bit grotty. i guess there's some pollution getting it dirty like the windows my dad made me wash a few weeks ago. man, that seems like forever ago. anyhow, you can see where the rain hits and runs off. it leaves streaks in the sky. seriously, majorly weird sh!t.

the upside -- the halloween party in the commons can't get rained out. we're lucky that romeo burpee ordered his halloween supplies early this year. either that or he's dragging stuff out of the warehouse from last year. e-yew if that's right. stuff'll probably end up being stale.

anyhow, that's only part of the fun. people are cooking up stuff and bringing it like a big pot luck dinner and everyone's supposed to get in costume, even my mom. she said that big jim rennie should come dressed up like the devil, except that wouldn't really be a costume. i don't know the whole story there, but she doesn't like our famous used car salesman all that much.

pete freeman from the democrat will probably be taking pictures for the next special edition. guess they're all special these days.

it's been ten whole days since we got trapped and we're no closer to getting out of here than we were on day one. i don't think everyone's heart is in having a party tonight, especially not one with ghosts and witches and other scary things. lots of people are starting to wonder what will happen to us if we don't get out of here in a week, or two, or three. what happens when we start running out of important things? it could get bad. it's a little bit like that book we read in school, lord of the flies. will we start dividing up into groups of us vs them?

scary thoughts for a halloween afternoon. time to forget about all that and go have a good time. i can't wait to see what norrie dresses up like. lately i've been having different thoughts about her. she's not just one of the boys any more, if you know what i mean. i get nervous when i talk to her. i think what it might be like to kiss her, and that's never happened before. everything's turning upside down. i don't think the world will ever be the same again, even if we get out of here.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

it seemed like a good idea at the time

first off, let me say that it wasn't my idea. seriously. it did sound like a good idea at the time. boy, was i wrong!

my homies and i got together last night to deliver the democrat. we all have baskets on our bikes, except norrie just has a carrier, but it works. after we picked up the papers from miz shumway we went off to the town common to plan our strategy.

that was when norrie pulled out the cigarettes. they belonged to her dad. apparently he quit a year or two ago, and she found them in the closet. they were all bent and croggled and stale, and there was even dust on the package, but we thought they'd be okay.

it was benny who said that we'd be like indians doing a ceremony to ask the gods for support before we went to work. see. not my idea at all. norrie said she didn't pray to god, but she'd pray to her favorite goddess: wonder woman. benny teased her about that, saying he would pray to gi joe. what a maroon!

norrie was the one who lit the cigarettes, too. i stopped her when she tried to light benny's, because three on a match is bad luck. not that i'm superstitious, but with the weird sh!t that's been happening around here, you can't be too careful.

who ever thought smoking was a good idea? i just don't get it. the stuff tasted like stale panther sh!t. it made me woozy and queasy and i almost passed out. passing out in norrie's lap, that might have been okay, but still def not cool. norrie looked totally awesome with a cigarette in her mouth, almost grown up. but we all decided afterwards that it had been a bad idea.

chalk it up to a failed experiment, like a science fair idea gone bad. good thing no one caught us. my mom would have grounded me until new years if she found out. of course, it's sorta like the whole town is grounded right now.

the only good thing that happened yesterday was the baseball game, and i couldn't even see that. it was just so awesome to hear that the yankees went down in flames. i was even thinking about using that as my halloween costume. a new york yankee with fake flames stuck all over him. ha!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


halloween is just a few days away. some doods suggested canceling it this year, but then some other doods said that we needed something to take our minds off what was happening and that's how things turned out. so, there's going to be a big halloween party in the town square on saturday night. everyone's going to bring whatever treats they had so we won't have to go traipsing all over town trick or treating. i guess that's okay. wandering around at night's half the fun, but i guess we all have to accept that things aren't exactly normal here in chester's mill these days. romeo burpee's going to set up his tent again and this time he says he won't charge for anything.

i guess a few of the local cops were out of town when this dome happened, so the cmpd is still recruiting new members. my uncle chuck was in town so maybe there's hope for him getting the job yet. some of the new ones they've already added aren't very nice doods.

helped miz shumway put together the next edition of the democrat last night and my posse and me are going to deliver it this evening. today's the normal day for delivery, so this won't be a special edition. miz shumway is so funny. the last time we went out delivering she told us the democrat hadn't used delivery boys (or girls, cuz norrie was there, too) in thirty years. "i don’t want to celebrate the reintroduction of the practice with one of you getting hit on the corner of Main or Prestile." ha! i told her that would most definitely be a bummer.

people aren't driving their cars as much any more, anyway. they're starting to get worried about pollution.

i'm going to try to follow the world series on twitter. go phillies!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

global warming

it's funny in a twisted kinda way, but i think i have my next science fair project. you know how the scientists are always debating the green house effect and global warming and climate change and all that happy crappy? well, we have the perfect test model for it right here in chester's mill, maine, us of a. the force field is just like our very own private ozone layer. it's not solid (i think i said that before.) some air and water can get in and out, but not much more. the prestile stream is starting to run low. another day or two and it won't be anything more than a mudslick.

this force field is messing with the weather. of course, it can't rain or snow, and there's no wind to speak of. but it's also getting warmer. we're eleven degrees warmer than castle rock. we're usually exactly the same. people are starting to worry about what's going to happen when heating season starts in mid-november. people are mostly burning propane now, which is okay, i guess, but some people want to start fires in their wood stoves, and that means ash and smoke, and that stuff isn't going through the dome. this ex-military guy who works at sweetbriar rose did a puff test. air goes through, but nothing in the air.

so far, everyone's supplies seem to be holding up. a few things are running low. milk, for example. my mom says there's plenty of powdered milk. guess that comes from powdered cows? mooo. maybe my homies and i will have to raid dinsmore's farm to get some fresh from the tap!!

looks like miz shumway's going back to press with another special edition. she says this is the first time since the prestile flooded in '03 that she's done extra editions, and now there's two. a-may-zing.

Monday, October 26, 2009

this is why we have to fight THE MAN

doods! i'm back. hopefully for good, but u never know for sure.

we had our big protest out by the edge of town on saturday afternoon. it was a he-yuge success. i think almost everyone still in town was there. we had signs up all over main street -- not cheapo looking crap, either. pro jobs, if i do say so myself. people are frustrated, afraid and angry, and this demonstration gave everyone a chance to have his or her say. we were hoping there would be someone on the other side (we were hoping for wolf blitzer or anderson cooper or people from town like my dad) but it was just military doods who kept their backs to us the whole time. i know they could hear us. whatever this force field is, it lets some things through, but only a little. they pretended like we weren't there, but i know they heard us, and maybe one or two of 'em went home and wrote about it on facebook or on their blogs. that's what i hope.

romeo burpee had his big tent set up in dinsmore's field, selling hot dogs and lemonade. he said it was the biggest damn cookout and field-day this town has ever seen. there were a few religious types yelling out that this was the end of times and that were all paying for our sins. the same kinda sh-- that's always blaring out on wcik.

we could probably have charged people for our signs (dinsmore charged people to park!) but we just gave 'em away and i was proud to see people waving our placards. LET US OUT, DAMMIT was the most popular by far! some people brought their own signs, too.

norrie made up some chants and we handed out sheets and we all yelled them at the guards. someone, somewhere musta heard us. it was like fair day in fryeburg, except for the circumstances. people blew off some steam. the church folk sang hymns. there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but of course it could'a rained and it wouldn't have mattered to us. at the end of the day, we all went home, tired but feeling like we did the best we could.

i guess THE MAN wasn't happy with our little protest, though, because the internet was cut off when we got home. b@st@rds! goes to show that it's probably them who are keeping our phone calls from going out, too. makes me wonder if they aren't somehow responsible for this after all. benny thinks it martians or lectroids from the eighth dimension, but i dunno.

of course, without the internet, i couldn't even see tweets about the game last night, and the yankees won. double b@st@rds! if i'd been able to follow the game, maybe things would have turned out differently. like the butterfly effect, you know?

anyhow, we're back for the time being, same as we were last week. hanging in there, but this is getting old. i miss my dad, and even a trip down to lewiston or oxford hills sounds like fun. chester's mill used to seem huge, but now it seems like a tiny little place. like a jail.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

special delivery!

benny, norrie and i met up with miz shumway (some people in town call her nancy newspaper!) at the office of the chester's mill democrat this morning. she had the papers all printed, but we had to bundle them up so we could carry them around town on our bikes. pete freeman, the photographer, was trying to help bale, but he couldn't tie a knot to save his life. seriously. and then norrie steps up and says that her dad takes her fly fishing and she can tie five different knots. norrie saves the day. who knew? my dad says she looks like joan jett (i had to google that one, but it's true!) but she can tie knots like a sailor. her dad is pretty cool, too. she taught him how to ride a board!

anyhow, we got the papers loaded them onto our bikes. miz shumway told us to deliver one to every house and business on main and prestile streets, and to morin and st. anne avenue. if we had any left over, we were to do our best until 9 o'clock and then leave the rest on the street corners with rocks on top of them so people could pick up a copy if they hadn't gotten one already. mission accomplished! i felt like some kid in a old time movies, like from back in the 1960s.

the big demonstration is in just over an hour. i've still got to print up some more signs. at least we don't have to worry about rain. it can't rain, or snow, and there's no wind to speak of. i guess it hasn't really sunk in yet how weird this all is. we hope to get people talking more about the problem, though, to figure out a way to fix it. i mean, come on, doods, we can't just stay like this forever. sooner or later we're gonna start running out of sh--. i think a lot of people are going to turn up. after all, it's not like there's much else we can do. can't go down to castle rock for a football game or to oxford hills flea market.

Friday, October 23, 2009

the angels are with us

ok, first things first -- yay angels! thx to twitter, i was able to follow along with the game fairly well, at least the scores, and dood, you guys rocked. almost stopped my heart a coupla times, but yay! i smell comeback.

everything's pretty much the same around here today. it doesn't even seem like a friday. no school again, of course. math teacher's still sending out homework assignments, though. dood, chillax!

miss shumway's decided to publish the newspaper tonight. special edition. woohoo! usually the paper is printed down in castle rock and shipped back up here. she could still get it printed down there. she just sends 'em the files over the net, but there's no way to get the papers back into town. major bummer. she says she's going to crank it out on the industrial strength machines she has in the news office. my posse and i are going to deliver it first thing tomorrow.

she doesn't know this yet, and i doubt she's spending much time reading my little blog here with all the other sh-- going on, but she's going to have some more news to cover tomorrow. we're organizing a demonstration for tomorrow out on route 119 in the big field next to where the dome / force field cuts the road. we're gonna put up signs all over town and send out e-mails and get everyone out there. try to get some people to come from the other side, too, so they can see us. we're gonna make picket signs that should keep everyone happy, even the tinfoil hat doods. STOP THE EXPERIMENTS and FREE CHESTER'S MILL and stuff like that.

norrie came up with a great idea, too. she said the best way to get people out there was to have food. romeo burpee, the guy who runs burpees, said he'd set up his big tent, the one he uses for his summer blowout sale, and sell hot dogs and drinks. it'll seem like a picnic but it'll actually be a protest. totally rad, huh?

tomorrow's gonna be a busy day!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

the force is with us

so far, the wifi network is staying up, so we can communicate with people. phones aren't working all that well. in town, everything's okay, but calls to anywhere outside chester's mill get dropped or don't go through. my dad is using a computer at the motel down in oxford hills to stay in touch with us. he said he was turned back by some guys in a military truck when he tried to come home.

still no power. the folks next door have a humungo generator and they let us tap a line into it to run the fridge so our food won't go bad. i know the number one thing on dad's to-do list when he gets back home. no more putting off getting a generator. there were a few at burpees, but they're all gone now. i hear there's lots of propane for the town's generators -- for the hospital and stuff like that. we have a gas stove for camping so we can cook food. cold water in the shower, though. brrr-friggin'-rrrr!

lots of activity over at the hospital, which is just around the bend from us. school was canceled but the math teacher e-mailed us homework. can you believe that?! dood, chillax. we can survive a day without algebra problems!

i've been doing some research into force fields. no one really knows what this "dome" is made of, but it makes sense that it has something to do with energy. i wanna get close to it so i can check it out, but mom doesn't want me to. we'll see. benny and i are gonna sneak off after lunch, i think. anyhow, it seems like there has been lots of research into force fields. the ones i read about use plasma and electrostatics. that means there must be power somewhere. all i have to do is find it, turn it off, and voila! problem solved. of course, if the power source is outside chester's mill, well...

biggest question: who's the dood behind all this? i'm sure people in town are pointing at each other, and the tinfoil hat gang is having a field day with their conspiracy theories. there were a bunch of people down at the food mart going on about how it was the government. in a way, they make sense. could be a military experiment gone bad, like in that movie the mist.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

we're cut off!

i "went to visit" my best friend, benny drake tonight. (strangest thing -- at the same time, benny "came over to visit" me. works every time!) that gave us about an hour to snoop around town. it's not that big a town, so an hour is plenty.

people are still running around like decapitated chickens. it's the weirdest thing. seriously, like something off fringe. there's this wacked out force field surrounding chester's mill. some people are calling it a dome, but that's not right, because it's shaped the same as town. like a boot. no telling how far up it goes. far enough to knock a plane out of the sky. that's what they're saying, anyway. and that someone's pacemaker blew up, too, when he got close to the force field.

we eavesdropped on grown-ups as much as possible, but then deputy randolph chased us away. we didn't want to get in trouble with our folks, so we went home.

mom was finally able to get through to dad. he's stuck in a motel in oxford. no one can get in or out of town. we heard that a bunch of people were killed when this force field happened. some of them were cut in half, they're saying. yuck! no one can explain what's happening. i heard someone say they thought invaders from outer space were responsible. someone else said it was the government. ours or someone else's. who knows?

i'm not sure we're going to have school tomorrow. the power is still out. what a mess. hopefully mom will let us go exploring more tomorrow. what i wouldn't give to be the person who figured out what's going on. i'd be a hero!

sent home from school

weird stuff going down, doods. don't have the whole story yet. the power went out just before lunch. the school has a killer generator but mr. allnut, the janitor, didn't have it ready yet. after a while, the assistant principal came to the door and waved my english teacher out into the hall. a bunch of teachers were having a big confab in the hallway. looked pretty serious, whatever it was. then they called us all into the gym for an assembly. no one said much, some sort of emergency, blah, blah, blah, and then they sent us all home a couple of hours early -- yay!

on the way home, i saw a lot of cop cars and fire trucks tearing around, so there must have been a big accident somewhere. no one's saying much -- at least not to us kids. the power seems to be out all over town, not just at the school. just about everyone has a generator, though. everyone except the mcclatchey family, that is. that's one of those things my dad is always saying he's going to get around to doing but never does. for a guy who's so anal about some things, he can be forgetful sometimes, too. winter will come, we'll have a big storm, the power will go out and then he'll remember what he said he was going to do.

you know the dad in that movie christmas story that they show on tv every year, over and over again? the one about ralphie and the toy rifle and the lamp that's shaped like a leg? my dad's a little bit like that guy. always entering contests to win valuable prizes. i guess that's where i got the idea to play around here on my blog. who knows? someone clever might win a valuable prize, too! and it won't be a leg lamp, either! i won't say what it is, but it's gonna be rad.

now that i have this extra time off from school, i'll have more time to chill and hide things on the web. so, stay tooned, doods. i have a pile of batteries for my laptop, so i'm not going anywhere. besides, mr. allnut will do right by me if i need a recharge -- i've helped him out before with computer stuff.

don't forget to check out my twitter account, too. it must be getting a lot of use today -- a few times i had trouble connecting to it. cell phones aren't working so great, so i'll have to use the web interface most of the time.

i'm off to see what i can find out about what's happening.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

tweet! tweet!

i decided to check out twitter. if you wanna follow along, check out @scarecrowjoe

once i figure out something worth tweeting, that is!

discordia? omg!

right after i started up the blog (back on september 10, if you wanna look it up), i wrote a little bit about args. you know, online games that people don't think of as games. ones where you're supposed to get into it, like it's real life, solve puzzles, figure stuff out.

well, it looks like the gang over at stephen king's website is going to do something like that at the end of november. it's called discordia and there's this kickin' awesome video trailer up on the main page right now. two whole minutes of some a-may-zing graphics.

i don't know much about the dark tower, which i guess is a series of books, so i don't get all the references -- the rose, sombra, stuff like that -- but if they do it right, you won't have to know. you can just play along. it has intrigue, and spies, and assassins, and this monster big gun with the funniest caption written next to it! check it out, doods -- it rocked my world.

makes the little fun i'm having around here (or really?) seem sorta lame.

Monday, October 19, 2009


late posting today because the baseball game went into mondo extra innings. my dad and i watched the game together and we loved watching the angels hand the yankees their butts in a basket. i know, i know, last week the angels took out my team, but now they're our next best hope to send those bums packing.

it was a great game. any game where the yankees lose is a good one in my books.

Friday, October 16, 2009

it's almost here!

halloween, that is. two weeks from tomorrow. can't wait. i'm thinking of putting something together from one of brian k. vaughan's graphic novels. as far as i'm concerned, he's got major chops. maybe i can work on that this weekend. i also want to get my report on carrie finished, too. love to cross things off that list that i keep in my mind.

don't tell my mom, but i went into mill new and used books on main street last night and checked out the new issue of playboy. well, i didn't get very far, because it's wrapped in plastic and mr. towle, the guy who runs the place, kept giving me the stink eye. gotta figure out how to get a copy. maybe i can order one over the internet. of course, if it just showed up in the mailbox, i'd have some explaining to do. sometimes being thirteen sucks.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


i don't really understand all the different kinds of cops there are. on tv, you have constables and lieutenants and sheriffs and deputies and detectives, and i'm probably leaving a bunch out. state troopers. there's one. i guess every department has its own way of doing things. here in chesters mill, we have chief perkins (everyone calls him duke) and a deputy chief, but everyone else is just an officer. no rank, no fancy title, just officer.

castle county has a sheriff, which i think would be cool. like in the old west. my dad doesn't like chief perkins. says he's getting a little long in the tooth for the job, which i guess means old. dad says his ticker isn't up to a high speed chase on tv let alone taking part in one. not that we ever have high speed chases around here.

my uncle chuck got a few calls from the cmpd. apparently he's been applying for the vacant position. a lot! a guess people are trying to help him out with his job search. some of the applications didn't get all of his details right, but i guess people have big hearts and just want to help out. it's almost like starting a petition. if uncle chuck applies a bunch of times, maybe they'll just give him the job? whatcha think?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

social networking

what do you doods (and doodettes) use for social networking? how many tweeters and facebookers and myspacers? i've been thinking about signing up to one of them, but they seem like such time sucks and i have enough going on right now to keep me busy. my mom already gives a ----load of grief for the amount of time i spend on the pooter. i dunno. whatcha think?

finished carrie last night. made me decided one thing: i'm going to stay in middle school 4ever. either that or go straight to the end of high school and skip all of that stuff in between. prom's out, too. geez, what a nasty bunch of troglodytes. (neat word, huh? didn't even have to make it up. it's a little hard to say, but it types real easy!)

now i have to write about carrie. i have a few ideas of ways to approach it, but it's gotta be good. my teachers expect a lot from me, so i can't let 'em down.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

18 more days!

so, now that baseball season is officially over (it is -- don't try to change my mind or tell me that there are still some teams playing -- it's over) and even the patriots lost this weekend, let's talk about something more important.


and it's on a saturday night this year, which means the sky's the limit. start early, end late, spend all day sunday recovering. it's already getting cold at night, so whatever i dress up as, it's gotta be warm. can you believe it's going to be down in the 20s this week? my dad says that some years it snows before halloween, but i can't remember anything like that.

my homie benny says he wants to go as a transformer, and he's got all these tricked-out designs for something that looks like it'll take a gazillion dollars to make and it probably won't work anyway. that's benny. big dreams but a little short on the execution. he'll probably pull a pillowcase over his head at the last minute. i told him he should go as a character from his favorite web site, but he'd probably end up in jail if he did that. indecent exposure, dig?

i'm almost to the end of carrie. holy moly, what a prom. if mine's anything like that one, i'm gonna make other plans for that day. i'm at the point where she just got back to the house and is talking to her "momma."

Monday, October 12, 2009

a day of mourning

i've got nothing else to say:

Sunday, October 11, 2009

oh, it's that day

every year around this time, that day comes along. does everyone have one of those days? maybe it's only when you live in a small town that has harsh winters.

that day starts with dad saying, "i think it's time to get the yard ready for winter." time to crawl into a hole and hide. major bummer. i just know that i'm not going to get anywhere on my board, won't be shooting any hoops, won't be hanging out with my homies. what i'll be doing is working. hard. real hard.

yesterday was that day.

we have this big red shed in the back yard, next to the trees. my dad built it himself. it's sort of like a garage, except it doesn't have room for a car. when you roll up the door, what you see is stuff. lots and lots of stuff. our camper trailer, our little motorboat and trailer, gardening tools. stuff.

when that day comes along, it's time to swap stuff. stuff inside the shed comes out, and stuff outside goes in. the stuff that comes out includes the storm windows, which all have to be washed in soapy water and cleaned with windex and paper towels. then there's the shovels and plows and the snowblower, which all come out so they'll be the last things to go in. winter tires. the collapsible garage for the end of the driveway. except for the shovels, none of it is exactly light.

the stuff that goes in includes the picnic table, the swing set, the lawn mower, and all of the stuff that decorates our yard that could end up getting caught in the snowblower if we don't move it. again, none of it light.

because of my height (i'm 6'2", which explains the nickname) i get to help wash the windows on the house before we put on the storm windows. ugh. worst. job. ever. then i get to hold up the crosspieces on the collapsible garage while my dad screws them into place. the garage has a canvas roof, heavy like you wouldn't believe, and i get to nail it in all the way around, pulling it tight as i go. one year we had a big snowstorm and the collapsible garage lived up to its name. the roof collapsed and put a big dent in the roof of the car. it was a big joke around town. someone even used it in a skit in the talent show. sam's collapsible garage.

of course, getting everything to fit in the shed is like trying to solve a chinese puzzle. it'll only go in one way, and if we don't get it exactly right then we end up with something big left over and we have to start all over again.

boy, am i ever glad that's over and done with. at least until the snow is gone and we have to do the same thing all over again, except in reverse. today i'm so bushed i think i'm just going to hang out around the house, play around on the computer and read. tomorrow i'll hook up with my homies and let off some steam.

Friday, October 9, 2009

getting lost

let me see if i've got this right. if my dad gets lost while we're out driving some place, my mom rips him a new one and he's in the doghouse for the rest of the day. christopher columbus gets lost and we get a day off from school? not that i'm complaining, mind you.

was it just me, or did it seem like that lady on fringe last night was having a real good time while walter was experimenting on her? pretty cool seeing the old dude who was on star trek back in the stone ages on the show, too. i wonder if he was sucking on that oxygen for real, or if that was just part of the act. ;)

i'm saying nothing about the red sox today. nothing whatsoever. yesterday's game never happened, as far as i'm concerned.

i heard from my homie steve raconteur that a few of you have been applying yourself to the uncle chuck situation, and that's cool. the more the merrier, you know?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

no job after all

i need to pay more attention to stuff around here. i was thinking i could deliver the chester's mill democrat on weekends but the paper only comes out on wednesdays. oops. ms shumway was tres cool about my goof, and showed me around her offices and explained how it all works. they don't print the paper there any more. she does all the layout on her computer and then transfers the files down to view printing in castle rock on tuesday night. the finished paper comes back up on wednesday morning. "just like magic," she said. so i guess people would be a little miffed if i didn't get around to delivering it until saturday. oh, well. she says that she might have some other things for me to do if i'm interested. we'll see. i told i'm pretty deadly with a computer, and she asked me if that was a good thing. hah!

she showed me the room where they used to print the paper. she still has this huge generator and a mega-big photocopier and a massive stack of paper. just in case, she said. she is attached to that newspaper like you wouldn't believe. even lives upstairs, with her old welsh corgi, horace. she told me she named the dog after the guy who said "go west, young man." gotta hit wiki to figure out who that is in case she quizzes me next time i see her!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


i just received a text from my new homie, steve raconteur, and he said that my uncle chuck still hasn't submitted an application for that job i mentioned before. what's up with that? apparently some other people are after the job, so he better get off his b()tt or he'll miss out.

all the print that's news to fit

i stopped by the democrat office after school last night to talk to the editor, but she had to go cover some breaking news. a new pothole on main street or someone double dipping at sweetbriar rose. small towns are just a hotbed of activity, doncha know. always something happening. guess i'll have to try her again today.

my dad thinks it's pretty funny that the newspaper is called the democrat since ms shumway is most definitely not "of that persuasion," he sez. she's a cagey lady, tho. knows everything that goes on in town, even the stuff that doesn't make it into the paper.

here's one of the bad things about living in a small town. last year, i took part in the christmas talent competition. i did this dance routine to redneck woman by gretchen wilson. sort of a napoleon dynamite gig. real laid back. folks really dug it, and i came in second. my mom says i stole the show and should have won. i heard my dad say to my mom that it was because of town politics. "the fix was in," he said, probably because the guy who won, dougie twitchell, is the town's third selectman's brother. i dunno -- dood did a pretty good act, juggling and singing moon river at the same time.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

go down 19, initially

had no idea carrie was going have so much sex and swearing!
every chapter. i've learning several new words, though a
lot of them i won't be able to use except around my
pal benny.

carrie is a weird chick, but i sorta understand
how she turned out that way. i mean, other kids think she's
ugly and they're mean to her all the time and she's got this
crazy mom who puts her in the closet. whoa. one girl is
kinda nice to her, but even she is mean sometimes.

gotta finish the book in the next week or so if i
expect to get my paper in on time. i have until just before
thanksgiving, but it's extra credit so i need to fit it in with
all my other work.

julia shumway heard (love that small town gossip!) that i was
on the prowl for a job, so she asked me to drop
by the democrat office after school. stay tuned!

Monday, October 5, 2009

fun and games

i got a chance to work with steve raconteur last week. seriously rad dood. he works on web sites all over town and when i told him my idea, you know, the one i mentioned a while back, he thought it rawked and he said he could help me out. some of his ideas are toxic. look out world -- nothing is exactly what it seems. that's what my uncle chuck says, anyway.

i had to laugh at that part in carrie where the principal talks about the "mortimer snerds" in school. guess they had people like that even way back in the 1970s. people call me the king of the geeks, but i don't mind. i'm pretty good with computers and gadgets, and i have a way of making connections between things. you know, links from one thing to another. sometimes it's all about figuring out what information is important and what to do with it. it's totally rad when something like that comes together.

Friday, October 2, 2009

cops and robbers

the chester's mill police department is right next door to mills new & used books. when i was picking up my books the other night i noticed a sign in the window saying they're hiring new cops. that would be an awesome job, doncha think? my dad gave me all of his old hardy boy books a few years ago. they're a little old school, but they made me want to be a private detective for a while. that's almost the same as being a cop.

my uncle chuck--my dad's brother--is thinking about applying to the chester's mill police department. i don't know if he'll get the job, because he's never worked as a cop anywhere before, although he went to the maine criminal justice academy. maybe they'll give him credit for being a night security guard at the wal-mart over in lewiston. probably not such a good reference, though, 'cos he got fired for sleeping on the job. he hasn't applied to the cmpd yet, but mom and dad had him over for dinner a while ago and he said he'd been thinking about it for a while.

chuck is what they call the black sheep in the family. mom doesn't like him much, but he's family so she puts up with him when he comes up from boston. treats him okay even though he's been getting in trouble for years. he got suspended from castle rock high school for fighting and then got busted for shoplifting at burpee's department store. everyone in town knew about it. he wasn't really trying to steal something, he says. a bunch of his homies dared him to see if he could do it without getting caught. bummer that he did. had to go to court and everything, and ended up doing a bunch of community service. picking up trash on the side of the 117, stuff like that.

i overheard my mom ragging on him for telling me about that. "don't be like your uncle, go to college," she told me later. guess she's afraid i'll idolize him and turn to a life of crime. as if! i want to be the president of the united states, not a guy like uncle chuck. he's okay--he even volunteers at a soup kitchen down in boston, so he's not a total jake, but he spends most of his time playing football or going to the gym. getting buff, he says. looks gross to me. you wanna hear something funny, though? he's a member of the elks club. he gave me one of their weird horned hats when he came up to visit once. high-larious!

after he graduated from chester's mill high school, he went right into the army. i think my grandpa had something to do with that. i don't know where they sent him. he doesn't like to talk about it. someplace where they speak spanish, i think, because he's always goofin with me, trying to teach me some words. i told him i'm taking french, but he keeps talking to me in spanish anyway. kinda annoying.

first thing he did after he got out was get caught speeding, big time, and had his license suspended for 30 days. mom says that he let his best chance to go straight slip away when he got a divorce and moved out of state. that was five years ago, but he said he was planning to move back to chester's mill. i never know what to believe, though, because to tell the truth, uncle chuck is a bit of a nutjob. he says his ex-wife's new boyfriend threatened to beat him up, so he applied to get a concealed weapon permit last year. or maybe it has something to do with darla, the woman he's been living with since the divorce. mom always calls her "the other woman." i call her a bird brain, because she's wacko.

uncle chuck says he doesn't like boston, but it sounds more like maybe boston doesn't like him. i don't know what my mom thinks, but maybe he could get a job and make something of himself. there's worse things in the world than being a member of the chester's mill police department, dontcha think? it's freely radical.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

what a deal!

i know i've said before that this is a small town. everyone knows everyone, except when the tourists are here and we're out numbered. you think you know every little corner and rock, and then something bites you on the butt and you realize maybe you've been asleep.

i was on my way to burpee's after school yesterday. it's on main street, right across from the newspaper office. i was also thinking about dropping in to see miss shumway, the lady that runs the paper, to find out if she needed anyone to deliver on the weekend.

something made me go into a place i've never been inside before. mom calls it an emporium galorium, whatever that is. sounds like something in a roald dahl story. anyway, its real name is "mill new & used books" and i always thought it was a dirty bookstore because the window is covered in dirt, and because of the pictures on the covers of the books in the window. all these ladies in tight dresses with their h00ters hanging out, and guys who look like they're only wearing underwear,  waving swords. mostly i think it was the sign, though. GET THE HOTS FOR DARK PLOTS. sounds kinda hinky.

turns out, it's a great place, a gold mine. there's a whole shelf full of used stephen king books, and other awesome things, too. i got carrie and the talisman for less than i would have paid for just one book at burpee's. i felt almost like i was stealing them, they were so cheap. i'm going to go be visiting that place a lot from now on!! i was so excited, i forgot to go see miss shumway.